This is a warning to all parents! I wasn't given this warning and what happened took me by surprise!
I am a very happy and very proud mom. My children are grown, all of them close to, or in their 30s. The warning I am talking about is something that happens when they are grown, not when they are little.
There is plenty of information and warnings about all of the do's and don'ts of how to deal with babies, toddlers, school age kids and even teenagers. However, I have found that very little is said about how to be a parent of totally grown children! This is the phenomenon that I want to talk about today, and yes, even warn you!
I took being a mom very seriously, still do! It was my passion and my priority. Something happens though when children become adults. Something that happened to us, but that we forget.
We leave and so do they!
If we have done a good job, they leave as well adjusted, independent, confident, happy, healthy, beautiful, and intelligent people. No longer our "little" children. Yes, always our children, but no longer our "little" children. This is really important because if we don't make this mental shift, we will not treat them as adults and then everything we worked hard to develop could be at risk.
You might be wondering what risk I am talking about? Allow me to share my story as openly and honestly as possible. Hopefully, you will hear something useful to carry with you.
My daughters's father died when they were teenagers and my deepest longing was that they would be ok. I knew that this kind of tragic event could alter everything for them. I hurt deeply for them. I was much more prepared for his death than they could possibly have been, so I tried with all my might to make things normal, healthy and wholesome. Tried with all my might is even an understatement. I did everything I could possibly think of to keep them safe and happy. I encouraged open communication always. Nothing we said to each other was wrong, if it was honest. And we said lots of things!! Through all of this they really did grow up to be amazing people. Low and behold, it came time for them to leave.
They didn't leave because they hated me or were angry with me. They left because it was time for them to leave and make their own way. I understood this in my head but man oh man did my heart hurt!
I was not prepared to let them go with grace. Because of the deep pain in my heart, I cried alot, told them that I missed them all the time, and unwittingly made them feel guilty for simply growing up. What I put at risk was the relationship that I purposed to solidify with them while I was raising them! The people I wanted most to end up being friends with, were starting to see me as needy and high maintenance. Honestly we spent a couple of years with quite a bit of strain between us and talk about heart pain!!
They weren't doing anything wrong, They were maturing and growing, they were working and succeeding, they were living and loving, and they were happy! No one told me what to guard against. We must guard against making their growing up "about us".
It's not about us!! It is because of us, but not about us!!
If you do a good job as a parent, you can celebrate when they grow up and out well, because of the good job done. So, what is the warning? It is this;
If you raise your children to be happy, healthy, beautiful, intelligent, independent, confident, well-adjusted people, they will become those people, so be prepared to miss them! And miss them well. Don't miss them so much that you choke them. Be sad sometimes, but don't be so sad that they feel guilty. And know that once they have their own children they will understand the depth of love and confusion involved with being a parent.
My children live states away from me today, but I can honestly say that we have the very best relationships we have ever had. Do I miss them? Heck yeah! Everyday, but not to the point that hurts everyday anymore.
Most of my sadness has been replaced with absolute joy for the goodness they have found. And I now know that the most sure way for them to be happy about our relationship is for them to know that I am happy!
Having a full life outside of being a mom gives them the confidence to pursue their dreams. None of us want our kids to worry about us, do we? They are thrilled that my health has improved so much so that I am helping others get better! They are even my biggest cheerleaders! They both have told me that they are proud of me and nothing beats that!!
If you find yourself ready to do something you can proud of, besides being a parent, consider locking arms with us to make a difference in our world. We are proud to be educating people of all ages to take charge of their health and their wealth. Now just might be your time too!! Explore all over this website then make sure we get your email address so we can take the next step together!!
Until next time, have a happy, health-filled day!
Coach (mom) Connie
Everyone deserves "the Good Inside," and, yes, "Purity is Possible."